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Feelings

What we are feeling isn't always obvious. Fear and excitement have the exact same physiological effects on our bodies and hurt and anger often look the same: heavier breathing, red face, elevated voice and tone, and increased pace in speech. Why take the chance that the other person will understand how we feel about the situation when we can tell them? Expressing how something affects us improves our opportunities for connection, understanding and ultimately resolution.

The following is a partial list of feelings:

happy, sad, joyful, scared, angry, ticked off, ecstatic, absorbed, involved, comfortable, cozy, calm, contented, peaceful, affectionate, loving, energetic, enthusiastic.

Notice that many of these statements start out either, "I feel like?", or "I feel you." Whenever you catch yourself starting a sentence in this way, be aware that you are probably about to state a thought instead of a feeling!

Is it a feeling or a thought? 
The speaker is expressing a thought that the other person doesn't respect their work. If she was expressing a feeling, she might say, "When you don't complete your projects (observation), I feel disappointed (feeling).

When you ran into the street without looking, I felt scared.
The speaker is clearly stating that she felt scared when her child ran into the street without looking. A thought might have been, "When you ran into the street without looking I felt like you didn't care about safety."

When you mentioned that your boss is out to get you I felt worried.
The speaker expresses her worry about the other person's statement. A thought might be, "Your boss sounds like a jerk."

I feel ignored.
This is one of those situations where the words used "I feel ignored" have emotional charge but they do not clarify the speaker's feelings. Another way to say this that would clarify feelings could be, "When you don't respond to my question (observation) I feel annoyed (or angry).


 I feel frustrated when I see you come to work 30 minutes late three times this week.
The speaker is expressing her frustration. A thought might have been, "I feel that you don't respect your team when you show up 30 minutes late three times this week.

so I guess everyone got this.
so far so much!


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