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Thoughts after not So WOW exam

Hello people!
Long time, no see !probably because I was slogging for this exam for 2 -3months now.
That huge hiatus because this would be the third time I was attempting this exam. That zeal you have when you want something really bad and do it or die kind of feel.

" Okay, I'm going to do it no matter what...
Everything is secondary this is the priority I'm looking for. 
Everything else in the world is a distraction.
 All my plans after 14th September."

Well ,the world kept going , The days went on rolling my plans kept postponing.  I don't know if it's just me or if anybody else in the world thinks this way that you know you live your life no matter what and the very next moment you like all I'm going to do is study for this exam and nothing else is going to matter. The hypocrisy  we have with our mind of what is to be done and what not is to be done.

So yes the obvious reason why I'm being philosophical is because my exam hasn't been great today not at least to my expectations.
 The end result of clearing or not clearing exam is secondary but not performing up to the level of preparation is depressing. oh yes , I've used the word depress .

So let's break down what can happen? what has happened ?what could have happened.

#1what could have happened =Dustin , because it has not happened.

#2 What will happen is a result would turner probably 30 days after my exam it could either be a pass or a fail.

Situation #1
What if I pass
I.Oh I'm going to be on the top of the world celebrating and probably forget it in 24 hours. That's that's exactly the duration of time any emotion stands with me these days especially the feeling of accomplishment. Not sure if that is what is called adult hood. 
II.Write a blog of how I have prepared that has led to me clearing the exam that could be a guide to other struggling souls like that of me.

Situation #2 
What happens if I fail
I. I am a human ,a sensitive one ,so I'll probably spend the day weeping ( all the melodrama , I am a sour loser)  for a day two or three and get back to work. waste another month or two preparing for the next attempt. Ah, yes continue saving lives at relatively lower paycheque.

II. Laugh at myself calling it a hattrick of failing same exam . 

III. Work on my stress management a little more and probably reading from the same book again that I intend to practice for atleast a decade. seems like a good but not so good news...

IV. Get back to saving lives at a higher paycheck

V. Pay for the exam again 😭

either way what I can pick up after penning down this blog is any emotions that that would follow the result would be temporary and I would move on anyway.
The End Result would be I would work in Emergency Room Anyway. The numbers in my account might fluctuate , not  the patient care.

while I'm languishing at this level I see many of my fellow doctors especially languishing at different levels of their lives some after their 12th grade ,some after their graduation, some after their post graduation. Some looking for partners so everybody has a milestone stuck!

So yeah ,so far so much.

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